So Will I: A Letter to the Friends of Alix

This weekend, I attended the funeral of an eighteen-year old girl named Alix. It was one of the most heartbreaking, yet hope-filled and powerful, funerals I’ve ever been to. There was absolutely sorrow present in that room, but there was also an otherworldly strength that was present because of the full confidence of where Alix is and where our hope comes from. I never got to meet Alix personally, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. My sister knew her and several of the girls I know and love were friends with her. My heart is broken for the ones I know and love and the ones I don’t know, but love because they are made in the image of God, who knew Alix and the other two kids who lost their lives. If I could sit you all down and share my heart with you, these are the things that I want you to know. 

Dear friends of Alix,

First of all, I am so proud of you and amazed by the love and devotion you have for your friend. Ever since her tragic passing last weekend, I have seen you step up and come together to honor her in incredible ways whether it be appearing on the news to talk about her life, posting on social media about your memories of her and how much of an impact she had, making bracelets and selling car decals to raise money for her family, or coming together to worship and seek the Only One who can provide hope during this unbelievably difficult time. As I walked into the church for the service, I saw so many of you comforting each other and coming to honor your friend even though you cannot possibly make sense of it. This speaks volumes about the kind of girl Alix was. There was something different about her.

I know there is nothing I can say that will ease your pain right now, but please know this: Alix’s death is not in vain. Life is short, but it is not without meaning. No tragedy, heartbreak, or any type of pain is ever wasted. I know you are confused, angry, and feeling like you’ll never be okay again and that your heart cannot possibly heal from this. And that’s okay. Let yourself feel all of those things and don’t fight them. Let it all out; God knows every detail of what’s going through your heart and mind and He can handle your questions. Before Jesus brought Lazarus back from the dead, He wept outside his grave. He knew He would see Lazarus again, but He still grieved. The same is true for you. There are stages of grief, but there is no timetable. Take your time. You don’t have to feel guilty for anything you are feeling. And if it feels like it’s too much, please reach out to someone you trust. Talk through your feelings with someone and allow the people you love to comfort you and speak truth to your heart.

Keep honoring Alix. Keep talking about her and remembering her, when you can. Cry, laugh, do whatever you need to do, but keep her memory alive. This will help you heal in time. Lean on each other. I saw this in action already when so many of you surrounded her casket while “So Will I” played at the end of the service. You had your arms around each other and your hands lifted to Jesus in worship and it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Don’t stop. Keep seeking Him and worshipping Him together. Be patient with each other, check on each other, and hold each other up. Alix would want that and God gave all of you each other for a purpose.

Pray. Even when you can’t feel God anywhere near you, just pour out your heart to Him. Especially when you feel alone and you aren’t with other people, because there will be those times and they will likely be the hardest. Stay connected to your Lifeline, your Savior. He came to bring light to the darkest places, peace to the middle of the chaos, and life out of death. I promise that He will sustain you. Even if all you can do is cry and say “Why, Lord?”, don’t stop praying.

 What struck me the most was when I learned that Alix and I shared the same favorite worship song, “So Will I.” Alix’s life showed that this song is more than a song; it’s a decision and a commitment to follow Jesus. Even though I didn’t know her personally and only know her through stories and things I’ve heard about her over time, I have never seen someone so young completely live out the words to a song like that. Some of the lyrics say:

As You speak, a hundred billion failures disappear

Where You lost Your life so I could find it here

If You left the grave behind You, so will I.

I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done

Every part designed in a work of art called love

If You gladly chose surrender, so will I.

I can see Your heart eight billion different ways

Every precious one a child You died to save

If You gave Your life to love them, so will I.

Alix made this her mission. She knew Jesus and whatever He did, she said, “So will I.” She was consumed by Him and wanted others to be, too. I believe wholeheartedly that her death is going to lead others to Him. Her story isn’t over, and yours isn’t either.

Jesus defeated death. He endured the suffering and went to the grave, but then He left it behind so it could never defeat us or leave us hopeless. Just like the pastor at Alix’s service said, on that Sunday when He called her home, Alix said, “If You left the grave behind You, so will I.”

We know where Alix is. She’s not in the grave; she’s with Jesus. We know what her life was all about and the indescribable joy she is experiencing right now with her Savior. Follow her example, because she followed Jesus’ example. Worship Jesus even when you feel like your heart is breaking into pieces. Cry out to Him and let Him pull you close. Deliberately choose to believe the truth even when you can’t possibly feel it.

God has been using suffering to bring Himself glory for a long time now. He isn’t going to stop now. Even in your deepest pain, remember that There. Is. Hope. Suffering, however deep, is temporary. Let your pain move you to reach out to others and help them out of their brokenness. Let Alix’s legacy be one that points you and others to Jesus.

Alix, because you were brave and lived your life to the fullest for Jesus, so will I.

Jesus, because You gave your life to love the lost and broken in order to lead them to eternal life, so will I.

You may not know me, but please know that I am praying for you and cheering you on. I am praying that God will fill you with His indescribable peace and give you the strength to get up each morning. I am proud of you and I fully believe that God absolutely has an amazing purpose for your life. You may not understand why this had to be a part of that purpose, but I have learned that the road to our purpose is often paved with much suffering. It makes us more like Jesus and more dependent on Him. Keep going and never lose hope. 

So Will I:

https://youtu.be/C2U7ffUM5Ec