All Things New (The Journey Continues)

It’s December 21^st. I thought for SURE that by now I would be able to write about the joy and relief I have now that this intense anxiety battle is over. I was so ready to look back on all the miraculous ways God has worked in my life and everything He has taught me through it. It all started back in June, so I was sure it would be way behind me by now. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. It’s not over. Even though I’ve made remarkable progress and God continues to lead me and carry me through this, the journey and struggle continue. Some days are great and I feel like I’m finally over it. Other days, I feel like I’m backsliding and that I’m never going to get past this. I am learning that it is a process. A very long process, mind you, and I’m still cultivating the fruit of patience.

There have been SO many times throughout the past six months in which I’ve just longed to get back to “normal,” or at least, the way I was back in May before all of this started. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why this happened and longing for the way things were. However, God has continually revealed Himself to me and given me so many reminders that He IS, in fact, with me and that He is working in my waiting. Because let me tell you, sometimes it can definitely feel like I’m in a desert and that He has abandoned me. So, I wanted to share this awesome little reminder He gave me.

One Saturday afternoon, I was having a very difficult day. Anxiety had been tormenting me all day long and it was one of those days where I felt like I was losing all progress. I was also, once again, thinking about everything that had happened and mourning the loss of my summer dreams. I was in essence, having a pity party. As I was laying in my bed, I remember thinking and praying, “I just wish I could get back to normal. I wish I could just go back to the way I was back in May. I mean, I had things I was struggling with and areas that I definitely needed to improve on, but at least I was functioning normally on a daily basis.” And in that moment, as I thought those things, I immediately recalled something I learned at camp three years ago.

 It wasn’t a major theme for the week or something that was reiterated a lot and it wasn’t even the camp pastor who said it. At camp, we have what is called “power group” time each day in which everyone is broken into groups based on their age. Each group has a “shepherd” that leads a time of Bible study every day and then we are broken into small groups for discussion. The shepherd for my group that week was the one who shared this truth as a quick illustration before the lesson one day. He pulled out a pack of candy that said “New and improved” on the package and proceeded to tell us that this was false advertisement. It’s impossible for something to be new AND improved. If something is improved, that means it has been updated and it has become a little bit better than it was. But if something is new, that means it is NEW, not just a better version of what used to be. The way it was is gone and now something completely different exists. Therefore, it’s impossible to accurately describe something as being “new and improved.” I liked that illustration and it obviously had an impact on me, but it’s not something I’ve spent a lot of time dwelling on over the past four years. But it immediately came to me that day as I longed for the way things used to be.

Once God had my attention, it was like I could clearly sense Him saying, “No, Katie. You’re not going back to the way you were before. I’m not allowing you to go through this just so you can become some improved version of who you were. I am doing something completely new in you.” This was not the first time this theme had come up. Ever since I began this journey, I have felt like God was doing something new in me, whatever that meant. That day, it was confirmed. (By the way, the “shepherd” for my group that week was Brett Dutton. At the time, I only knew of him because he had been the camp pastor several years earlier. That year, I met him and his wife and formed a relationship that would lead to them inviting me to go with them to Africa this past summer. The fact that God used Brett’s words to speak to me in the midst of this journey is not a coincidence. He places certain people in our lives at just the right time for a specific purpose. It’s been almost four years since I heard that message, yet it came to me at just the right time. How cool is that?)

So, as we prepare to celebrate Christmas, I am reminded that even in the midst of pain and difficult circumstances, this season is one of joy and excitement. Not because life is perfect, because it’s absolutely not. I know plenty of people who are fighting much more difficult battles than I am during this season. Yet, it’s completely possible to be filled with joy because it’s a celebration of hope coming into the world. Jesus came as the answer to all of our sin and brokenness. We have to walk through it, but He has made a way for us to have eternal life in which all the pain we experience here on earth will seem “light and momentary” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Tim Keller says it this way:

          “Christmas is not unsentimental. It does not say ‘Cheer up!’ Instead, ‘Things really are this bad. Nevertheless, there is hope!”

Be encouraged this Christmas that even when things seem hopeless and out of control, there is HOPE. That’s why Jesus came. He is making ALL THINGS NEW.