Ever since my kindergarten year, I
have been aware that the numbers “2014” were important. They were always
written on my elementary school crafts and talked about with excitement and
anticipation. Even after I realized that the numbers symbolized the year I
would graduate from high school, it just seemed like an important event that
was a long way off. Throughout middle school and even into high school, the
numbers loomed in the distance and my life seemed to just be leading up to that
exciting, monumental year. So, on December 31 of 2013, I was filled with a
sense of fear, excitement, and great anticipation. I knew that the next day
would be the beginning of a new, crazy, WONDERFUL year that I had practically
waited my whole life for! I could hardly wait to experience all of the new
adventures and experiences that were sure to come.
I’ve always been the type of person
who looks and plans ahead. I tend to focus a lot on the future and feel much
more comfortable when I have a plan and know what to expect in different
situations. Because of this, I had a pretty
good picture in my mind of what I expected 2014 to look like. I would
finish my last semester of high school, have fun taking senior pictures and
planning a graduation trip and party, graduate high school, have a fun summer
with friends and family, and then start college and enter a whole new, exciting
world! How much better could it get? No wonder I was so optimistic and excited
the night before 2014. However, things like the death of my pastor, grandma,
and uncle were not on my list of “things that will happen in 2014.” Yet, that
is a small portion of how the year unfolded, along with various losses and tragedies
that people I know and love experienced throughout the year. Needless to say,
this wasn’t part of the plan. Not MY plan, anyway. Starting in January and continuing
throughout the year, I felt like things were just spiraling out of control and
that there was one loss after another. By the time June came around, I was
stressed, depressed, and very confused. I’ve written in previous posts about
how I went through a period of being angry with God and wondering if He was
still in control or even cared about my situation. I spent a lot of time
questioning Him and dwelling on how seemingly hopeless and unfair life had become.
After a while, my faith was strengthened and I once again knew and believed
that God is with me and works all things for good. Still, I struggled with the
depression and feelings of emptiness. I still just couldn’t understand why God
allowed things to happen the way they did this year. Never in a million years would
I have though the year 2014 would unfold this way. Now, on December 31 of 2014,
I have finally come to a conclusion.
The song He Is With Us by Love and
the Outcome says:
“We can’t pretend to see the ending
or what’s coming up ahead
Don’t know the story of tomorrow,
but we can stay close to the One who knows
We can trust our God, He knows what He’s doing
Though it might hurt now, we won’t be ruined”
And that is what I have discovered this year. No matter how
much we plan and prepare for the future, it’s impossible to know for sure what
is going to happen. Only God knows how each of our days will unfold. It sounds
simple, but it’s true. I have realized that even though I don’t always like or understand
His ways and the things He puts in my path, He ALWAYS works all things for
good. There’s a purpose in each and every one of our circumstances. Last night,
I was reading the book of Job and came across these verses…
“I know
that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And
after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will
see Him with my own eyes – I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
Job 19:25-27
Job was a man who had everything taken from him. He was
severely afflicted and tempted to despair, but in the midst of his affliction
he uttered these words.
We never know for certain what is going to happen to us in
life. There will inevitably be difficult times, and there will also be joyful
ones. The only thing we can be certain of is the very thing Job stated: Our
Redeemer lives. He has already overcome all of the pain and evil in this world
and one day, those of us who trust in Jesus will see Him with our own eyes. At
that moment, all of our questions will fade away and the pain of this life will
just be a distant memory. Until then, we must stay close to the One who knows
every detail of our lives. I don’t know what will happen in 2015, but I know
the One who has everything under control. He will carry us through.
“Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10
I like that..it might hurt now but we won't be ruined.
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